when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

(via classlesscharm)

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i dont ship…i yacht. im not a low budget bitch

(Source: kanyewesticle, via whenyoustopdreaminitstimetodiee)

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is that kimchi? he got slapped with kimchi?
  • Cop: Have you been drinking?
  • Me: I been drankin'
  • Cop: Surfbort
  • Me: Surfbort
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*throws lamp at you* you need to lighten the fuck up

(Source: oh-good-life, via whenyoustopdreaminitstimetodiee)

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Confession: I have a friend who likes to text me at like 4am when he’s had nightmares or he can’t sleep or he just needs a friend. He thinks I’m always awake at 4am but really I go to bed around 12am and I change his text-tone to the loudest one I have just so it wakes me up when he needs me.

you’re the kind of friend everyone needs

(via whenyoustopdreaminitstimetodiee)

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dont ask me for relationship advice because i will always just tell you to break up w/ them and throw their shit in a dumpster because i do not understand the concept of allowing anyone to treat you poorly this is a zero tolerance zone 

(via whenyoustopdreaminitstimetodiee)

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  • gurlfriend: happy fathers day
  • bf: but im not a dad
  • gf: :)
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perfectic theme